Things I would Rather do than Listen Mainstream Radio

• Mow my neighbor's lawn
• Clean the cat box
• Drink beer off the floor of the floor at Kelly's Irish Times
• Watch someone's children
• Pay $10 to watch a cover band
• Be a roadie for Eddies band
• Shave my crotch with a weedeater and gin
• Read every edition of Woman's World
• Watch the first 6 seasons of Oprah on DVD
• Enjoy my blogs
• Meet the president of Justin Timberlake's fan club
• Sew a tarp by hand
• Try giving myself an appendectomy
• Read the screenplay for How to Lose a Guy in Ten Days
• Wrestle a crocodile with one arm behind my back
• Learn to crochet
• Make an Alaskan ice tea with the liquid from a porta potty
• Watch paint dry
• Count the number of circles on the carpet in my doctor's waiting room
• Shop at Giant
• Watch a NASCAR event on tape delay
• View streaming porn with dial up internet
• Rotate the air in my tires
• Drink from a hotel swimming pool
• Pick a fight with Arnold
• Watch golf on television
• Attend a Catholic wedding
• Run a marathon in flip flops
• Drink a coffee from McDonald's
• Run a boarding house
• Crawl into a sleeping bag with a mongoose
• Remix a John Tesh album
• Go to the dentist
• Pluck my nose hairs
• Try on pants
• Attend a Colorado football game
• Ride a cheetah
• Inhale burning tires
• Wear a visor in public
• Contract head lice
• Fill out an online survey
• Go camping in the Everglades
• Start a daycare
• Join a cheerleading squad
• Climb an active volcano
• Attend a rodeo
• Go hunting
• Watch every movie starring David Spade and Dana Carvey
• Repaint my house with watercolors
• Get a third job
• Dance to T Pain
• Drive to Hawaii
• Churn butter
• Attend a Linkin Park concert
• Host a Mary Kay party
• Hang out at the country club
• Be a part of a test group
• Participate in a mass suicide
• Foster a lion
• Search for Noah's ark
• Stop by the A&T store
• Breast feed a badger
• Have my picture taken at a porn shop on Sunday morning
• Be interviewed from prison
• Jury duty
• Attend a self help seminar
• Master the art of bird calling
• Judge a spelling bee
• Count the hairs on my cat
• Pet a burning dog
• Wear a hat made of live spiders
• Watch my air purifier in action
• Watch a baseball game in slow motion
• Form an AC/DC tribute band
• Start an ant farm
• Paddle a canoe to work
• Shop for curtains
• Smoke weed from an oil can
• Watch the Tony Awards
• Blow dry my hair in the bathtub